Life sucks, it sucks alot, but there are certain things in everyone’s life that makes them happy in their own way. Like for instance you, you make me beyond happy.
I’ve had a couple of curve balls thrown my way this year and I’ve tried to dodge them but I haven’t been as successful as I had hoped for. I’ve let my issues get the better of me and that’s impacting me and everyone around me that loves and cares for me. Which sucks because I don’t mean for it to happen. I’ve been in and out of a slump for a good 6 months now and it scares me to not know how I’m going to be in the next 10 minutes… How I could react to some one or something happrning. It’s like I have no control and that does scare the shit out of me. I feel like a monster and I’m not entirely sure what to do about it. I had a wake up call on the weekend so I thought Positive thinking would help, and it did help yesterday, untill about half way through the day..
I’m trying hard to keep with the positives, trying hard to keep my mind occupied, but all I can think of is how much of a dickhead I am for letting everything that’s going on with me effect everyone around me. Ive hurt the one I love more than anything and I’m not even sure if she’s going to come back.. And that thought nearly brings me to tears because I would do absolutely anything to keep her happy, and I’ve just been doing the complete opposite, and dragging her down…
It’s time for some big changes for me, and the time to start them is now. God I can only hope that she decides to give me another chance, I’ll never fuck it up ever again. Everyone else needs to be put first.
